8.109.1 What virtues should I seek in a spouse to form a holy, truly Catholic marriage?
A true Catholic must approach courtship not with worldly desires, but with the eternal goal of salvation. Marriage is not primarily about compatibility or romance, but about sanctifying one another, raising children in the true Faith, and cooperating with God's grace in the sacrament of Matrimony.
“Marriage was not instituted by the will of man, but by the authority and command of God, for the increase of the human race and for the fitting education of children.”
I. Theological Foundations: Faith, Hope, Charity
1. True Catholic Faith
Your spouse must profess the true, traditional Catholic Faith, rejecting the errors of Vatican II and the false modernist Church.
“Be not yoked with unbelievers: For what participation hath justice with injustice? Or what fellowship hath light with darkness?”
Avoid anyone attached to the Novus Ordo, protestantism, indifferentism, or modern innovations.
2. Love for the Sacraments & the Mass of All Time
They should love and attend the Traditional Latin Mass exclusively and frequently receive the true sacraments in the state of grace.
“Let it be repeated as an immutable and inviolable law that the marriage bond can only be founded upon and sustained by the true Catholic faith.”
3. Hope in God’s Providence and Will
Openness to children, willingness to embrace trials, and a mindset rooted in trust in God’s plan are essential.
“Increase and multiply, and fill the earth.”
“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His justice, and all these things shall be added unto you.”
II. Cardinal Virtues and Moral Character
4. Chastity and Purity
A spouse should be pure in body, mind, and intention, rejecting modern dating customs and immodesty.
“Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God.”
“He who desires to marry must first ask himself whether he has preserved chastity, for unchaste persons rarely have happy marriages.”
5. Humility and Obedience to God’s Order
Humility leads one to accept God's roles in marriage.
“God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.”
“The husband is the chief of the family and the head of the wife; the woman... must be subject to the husband and obey him.”
6. Prudence and Sound Judgment
A good spouse must be able to make wise, moral, and long-term decisions for the family.
“The heart of her husband trusteth in her... she shall render him good, and not evil.”
7. Justice and Honesty
Integrity and justice in word, business, and personal dealings are crucial for mutual trust and stability.
“Better is the poor man that walketh in his simplicity, than a rich man that is perverse in his lips.”
8. Fortitude and Patience
The trials of married life require perseverance and strength.
“He that shall persevere to the end, he shall be saved.”
9. Temperance and Modesty
One must avoid vanity, immodest dress, and indulgence in pleasures.
“In like manner women also in decent apparel: adorning themselves with modesty and sobriety.”
“The Church... cannot approve immodest fashions... for they are the cause of the most serious damage to souls.”
III. Marital Roles & Domestic Virtue
10. Husband: Provider, Protector, Spiritual Leader
He must be able and willing to provide materially and spiritually, lead the family in prayer, and sacrifice for his wife.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the Church.”
“If any man provide not for his own... he hath denied the faith.”
11. Wife: Homemaker, Nurturer, Helpmeet
She must be ready to care for the home and raise children in the Faith with joy, modesty, and strength.
“She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”
“Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord.”
“The husband is the head of the wife, and she should obey him, not as a servant, but as a companion.”
12. Commitment to Raising a God-Fearing Family
Both must have a shared vision of raising many children and educating them in the true Catholic Faith.
“A good wife is a good portion, she shall be given to the portion of them that fear God.”
Discernment Checklist
Use this to reflect prayerfully:
Do they love and attend only the Traditional Latin Mass?
Do they reject Vatican II and modernist errors?
Do they pray the Rosary daily?
Are they open to having many children?
Are they modest in dress, speech, and action?
Are they chaste and careful in courtship?
Do they exhibit virtues such as humility, honesty, patience, and prudence?
Are they teachable, willing to be guided by a traditional priest?
Wisdom from the Saints
“The love of husband and wife is the force that welds society together.”
“Marriage is directed to the good of the offspring, the good of the spouses, and the remedy for concupiscence.”
Final Thoughts
Entrust your path to Our Lord and the Blessed Virgin Mary. Pray daily, receive the sacraments, and seek counsel from a true Catholic priest. A holy marriage is a path to Heaven — but only if entered wisely and with grace.
“Better is a dry morsel with joy, than a house full of victims with strife.”
It is better to be alone in the state of grace than united in a marriage that leads away from God.
Further reading:
Clean Love in Courtship by Fr. L.G. Lovasik, S.V.D
Casti Connubii (On Christian Marriage) by Pope Pius XI (1930)