8.109. My girlfriend is a kind Buddhist. We may marry, but I don’t want to force her to convert—it feels wrong and would upset her parents. Isn’t that fair and loving?
What seems “fair” to the modern world is often a betrayal of eternal truth. A Catholic cannot validly or licitly marry someone who rejects the true Faith and refuses to convert—no matter how “kind” or “spiritual” they may be. God does not measure compatibility by niceness or family peace, but by whether two souls are united in Him.
A so-called “marriage” with a non-Catholic, especially an unbaptized person, is gravely dangerous, highly discouraged, and often invalid, unless special and extraordinary dispensations are given (which cannot be presumed, especially today under the false Vatican II church). Even then, the Catholic party must sincerely promise to raise the children Catholic and to defend the Faith—which contradicts the idea of avoiding conversion for peace.
A Catholic’s first duty in love is to desire the salvation of the other person’s soul—not their social acceptance. To marry someone while allowing them to remain in idolatry or false religion is not love—it is spiritual abandonment.
| Category | Traditional Catholic Teaching | Modern / Vatican II Mentality | Remarks |
|---|---|---|---|
| Marriage Purpose | Sanctification of spouses and children; unity in the Faith | Companionship, feelings, personal growth | True marriage is a sacrament, not just a civil arrangement |
| Faith Unity | Spouses must be united in the true Catholic Faith | Different beliefs are “personal” and “equal” | Without unity in faith, there is division in what matters most: salvation |
| Mixed Marriage | Gravely discouraged; requires conversion or solemn promises | Seen as “inclusive” and loving | These marriages are rarely fruitful in grace and often lead to apostasy |
| Conversion | Should be pursued out of charity, never forced, but never omitted | Seen as offensive, coercive, or unnecessary | Refusing to evangelize is spiritual cowardice, not love |
| Offending Others | We must not offend God to please man | Keeping peace with family takes priority | “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me” (Matt. 10:37) |
| False Religions | Idolatrous, spiritually dead, lead souls away from God | “Different but equal paths to God” | Buddhism explicitly denies the existence of God and the soul—it's not neutral |
| Children | Must be raised Catholic without compromise | Often raised with “both religions” or no religion | This betrays baptismal duty and endangers their salvation |
| Fruits | Holy families, vocations, conversion of the world | Faith erosion, compromise, division, secularism | “By their fruits you shall know them” (Matt. 7:16) |
Summary:
Love does not mean ignoring truth. You cannot say you love someone if you’re willing to marry them while letting them remain in a false religion that rejects the true God. That is not love—it’s comfort, sentimentality, and spiritual negligence.
The Catholic Church has always taught:
“It is unlawful to marry infidels or heretics, unless with the hope of converting them—and only then with grave caution and Church permission.”
If you truly love this person, you will care about her soul, not just your feelings. You will desire for her to know Christ, to receive the sacraments, and to belong to the one true Church outside of which there is no salvation. That’s not coercion—it’s charity.
And if she refuses Christ, then your duty is to walk away—not into spiritual compromise, but into fidelity to God.
Further reading:
Clean Love in Courtship by Fr. L.G. Lovasik, S.V.D
Casti Connubii (On Christian Marriage) by Pope Pius XI (1930)